Same thing they play, delayed a few seconds, louder.
this post was submitted on 27 May 2024
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This seems like a good time to get on my soap box.
Every bathroom should have a cheap white noise machine. I don't need the detailed auditory experience of someone else's bowels. This would also probably help with OPs problem.
No man, it's a bonding experience. Loudly declare "LET 'M RIP" or "GOOD POOPIN' " to your neigbouring stalls to wish them good luck. A small pinkytoe touch for an extra boost of courage for the road ahead.
You need to find the natural resonance frequency of the room, or stall, and make that noise. The whole room will be a huge subwoofer.
But all these tips aside, am I the only one to think that it's shameful to be on my phone on the toilet with sound so that others hear? Especially in the workplace? What kind of workplace is this? Median/average age?
People are wild these days. My wife and sister have both, working in different industries and companies, come home and informed me they were freaked out and a bit repulsed to discover coworkers in the bathroom, audibly having a bowel movement of some sort, with an iPhone on the floor of the stall facetiming their partners. These were both work places that skewed younger, but people have just been going feral. My last job, I walked into the bathroom and heard what I assumed was the Smack, smack, smack of somebody jerking off, only to find out it was a guy near his 60s doing clap push-ups in front of the urinals.
What the actual fuck.
- Don't be in the way of people trying to use the urinals.
- Don't put personal items on the floor of a bathroom. The floor of a bathroom is particularly disgusting.
- Don't put your HANDS on the floor of a bathroom. See (2)! FFS.
People are gross?!
One time I found someone's phone here in one of the office bathrooms, on top of the paper towel dispenser. I actually took it out and placed it on a stool by the foyer where we hang our coats and stuff and took a picture of it there, and pretended like that's where I found it so that the person wouldn't be embarrassed by me posting on Slack that I found it in the bathroom. That's how ashamed I am of this concept, that I don't want others to feel that shame.
But these people you describe are acting like they're still at home and nobody's around, wtf.
Anything about unionisation, the boss will have security staff in there the next day.
Mongolian throat singing.
I mean, that is pretty much what i think of when anyone brings up "the brown note"
Bananaphone by Raffi
🎶 Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, banana phone 🎶
Especially the "fast version."
the nightcore version of whatever’s currently playing
I sense great evil in you
Can you encourage them to hurry up with a bit of "Push It" by Salt-N-Pepa?
"Push it"
"Push it real good"
CBAT - they will get horny, jerk off in sync to the rhythm then leave
Alien Hip Hop - they will be either extremely confused or will get inspired to leave and form a prog rock band immediately
The Woven Web - it's such an incredibly sick song that they will have to mute their speakers and bop to it
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Call into a teams meeting and occasionally say something (don't actually unmute).
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Pornography, the weird ASMR kind
What’s new pussycat
21 times in a row (well, except for that one play of It's Not Unusual)
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I could be friends with the rainforest guy. Seems like a chill dude, just wants to shit in peace.
So. You'd rather hear your coworkers shit?
Isn't almost any sound better than that?
Have you ever had a job? Hardly anyone visits the office bathroom for a 45 min long dump.
Hey! Is it too god damn much to ask for 2 seperate 80 minute sessions of quality dump time in the standard work day?
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Raining Blood - Slayer
That System of a Down song about pulling the tapeworm out of your ass.
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I have a very special set of songs for you:
- Hamster Dance
- Lama Song
- Scooter - How much is the fish
- Aqua - Barbie girl
Now, listen,here is the important part: You do not play all four songs in a row,oh no. You play the first song in a loop for days, every time you go to the loo. Maybe even place a loudspeaker with a motion sensor there.
Then you stop. And once they feel secure again, when they pull out their stupid phones again, then you strike again. With the same song!
Then,after a while you stop again. Wait for a while. Of course, they have learned and then expect the previous song again. But nooo! Another one,not one bit better than the first one.
Break their pooping souls this way!
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Party Rock Anthem vocals only at half-speed.
+1 for CBAT
Apocalypse now - extended edition. Move the sub in the bathroom. Turn it all the way up. War is hell.
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The Austin Powers theme.
Who does no. 2 work for?
Ponponpon 10hrs
Hockey Scores.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VbZMnF1VNlE&pp=ygUXaG9ja2V5IHNjb3JlcyBtZW1lIHNvbmc%3D
Ideally, start multiple looping instances of the song, at between 0.5 to 2.0 second delays.
Edit: Or, the Terrifying Tiny Tim rendition of Tiptoe Through The Tulips.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zcSlcNfThUA&pp=ygUYdGlwdG9lIHRocm91Z2ggdGhlIHR1bGlw
Here's what you do. You hire local police to stand outside your stall. Then you connect your phones bluetooth up to the offices speakers that are EVERYWHERE. After you've done this, you start playing Goldbergs WCW theme. Then one of the guards bangs on the door, and you come out in your boxers.
Now hang on, because this is where it gets crazy. As you storm out of the stall, you rip other stall doors down while screaming like a beast. Then you storm out of the bathroom, and thats when the sparks and pyro is going off. Keep in mind, that goldberg theme is still playing over all those speakers in the ceiling. You're breathing smoke. There's explosions, and you're just giving everyone the crazy eyes as you walk back to your cubicle. Then for no reason you punt the little deskside trash can CLEAR across the room with trash flying everywhere.
I mean......it's going to cost about $600,000 to do this one time poop, and I imagine you maaaaaaaay have some difficulty securing local cops to come guard your bathroom stall because you want to make one kickass reason to get fired. I mean, you could always use mall security off duty, but it's just not the same.
You'll have an interesting story at your next interview though.....
"So. How did you leave your last job?"
"Funny you should ask...."
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Just tell them? Nah... that would be too effective. Op specifically request a less effective communication mathod. Ignore me then.
Everyone knows that it's forbidden to talk while on the toilet, except to announce the occupancy status of one's stall, or to request emergency assistance.
It's also forbidden to talk to anyone using the toilet, except to ask if they're ok in there.
Speaking to someone who's on the toilet while oneself is also on the toilet is DOUBLY forbidden. And no, the two infractions don't cancel each other out.
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